Zoe Eisenberg, iEG sex/lifestyle
Once, in college, I picked up a guy by following him into the men’s bathroom at our campus pizza place. I was beyond wasted, and had appointed my equally inebriated roommate on watch outside the door. I think it was one of my boldest on-the-prowl moments. We ended up dating for four years, but my first move was a bit creepy…and unhygienic.
There are many other places I believe you should never approach a stranger with the intention of scoring a number or a date. Here they are:
1. The Gym.
The gyms seems like a great place to pick up people—everyone is dressed in spandex and their buns are on display like a glass case in a bakery. Plus, if having an active lifestyle is important to you, it’s easier to find a kindred spirit in the gym. But the gym is not the club, most people are trying to sweat out the pint of coconut gelato they polished off last night, not to meet the man or woman of their dreams.
They might not even be single. They definitely don’t want some pony-tailed dude sidling up to their treadmill going “So, you Brazilian?” so that they have to wheeze out “No, I’m (gasp) German (gasp).” Plus, if you ask someone out from your gym, you then have to see them there day after day. And that just gets awkward.
2. Your/their place of work.
There are obvious reasons you aren’t supposed to date coworkers, although it happens. But if you work at a place where you deal with clients or customers, or you frequent a place with a cute sales guy/girl, do not ask them out. Don’t do it. And if you have to do it, at least be very very smart about reading their signals. Don’t make anyone call their manager.
3. While out with their significant others.
This is technically not a place, and it seems obvious, but I have watched men try to hit on my female friends who are clearly out with their SigO’s. I’ve watched a girl get a drink thrown in her face for asking some guy to dance when his girl was right there. In her defense there were more girls at that bar than a T Swift concert and it was not obvious if he was with anyone. But still. Feel out a situation before you bust all up in it.
4. Anywhere you are too wasted to function.
It doesn’t matter where you like to get drunk, or whether it is 2 am or 2 pm. No one wants to be hit on by someone who can’t stand up or string a coherent sentence together. You could be the nicest guy in the world, a Taye Diggs doppelganger or hung like a rhinoceros, but if you come at me while slurring your speech I’m going to act like you intend to rufie my vodka tonic.
5. A family reunion.
No explanation needed.
>>5 awesome places to pick someone up
…just because I don’t wanna leave you salty.
1. Public transportation.
I am a fervent people watcher, and when I was single I wanted so badly to meet someone on a subway/train/bus/plane. What a great story that would make. Swoon!
2. Volunteer opportunity.
I remember an ex asking me out after we spent the day volunteering together at the Special Olympics. I thought he was a sweetie for giving his time. (In actuality, he was required to be there, as he was on probation because he got drunk and sprayed his roommate with a fire extinguisher.)
3. Grocery store.
Bump your cart into theirs. Judge them by their shopping choices. (Bonus: You can spot a vegan this way!) Make small talk over their preferred almond milk brand. But remember to check for wedding rings before making moves.
4. Book store.
You can tell a lot about people by what they’re reading. How- to Restore Vintage Cars? Yes please. Halo 2: The Official Game Guide? Maybe not.
5. Dog park.
There is something assuring about a person with a dog. Like, oh, you’re cool, cause if you were making suits out of human skin on your downtime then that dog would be growling at you and not licking your face.
Basically, think of your hobbies, go to places centered around them and try and find someone who shares them. Concerts? Brilliant! Love yoga? Great. But don’t sleep with your teacher or you’ll have to switch studios… Not that I would know…
Want more from Zoe? Follow her on Twitter and Instagram, and don’t forget to check out her book, The Lusty Vegan.